“Are these three geezers all right in the noggin? Blimey, they look absolutely minging. Check out that bird in the street cleaner getup with a straw titfer. Bloody hell, ain’t this a Gucci joint?” A posh lady sneered, her eyes scanning the scene as she rummaged through garments, clutching her Gucci bag.
“Sorry, love. I’ll turf ’em out right quick!” The stunning shop attendant beside her responded with a polite smile, then turned to signal the other attendant, “Off you go, get ’em out. Can’t have ’em dragging down the class of our gaff!”
The attendant, in her stilettos, briskly strutted over to Jack’s crew of three. “Alright there? Here for a bit of shopping? This ‘ere’s Gucci. We’ve got top-notch gear from across the pond…” She was a seasoned pro, sure that framing it that way would nudge these poor sods into realizing they’re in the wrong place and skedaddle. Yet, she clearly miscalculated this time.
Jack surveyed the scene, then declared, “Posh is the ticket. I’m after some posh threads for me mum and missus. None of that riff-raff for me!”
“What?!” The attendant was gobsmacked. “Sir, you sure about that?”
Jack glanced at Selena by his side. “My missus is a proper looker, ain’t she? Deserves the posh gear, don’t she?”
“Spot on. Just worried you might struggle with the dosh later.” The attendant chuckled. If it weren’t for upholding the shop’s image, she’d give him a piece of her mind. How could these paupers afford our wares?
“What dosh trouble?” Jack couldn’t be arsed. He pointed at a dress, “Selena, that one looks the business. Give it a whirl!”
“Not keen. Don’t fancy the colour. Jack, reckon we should scarper!” Selena felt on edge. Before tying the knot, she’d frequent joints like this. But now, she felt out of place.
“Not feeling the colour? Bit of a lame excuse!” Unexpectedly, the posh lady chimed in, sneering, “Just admit you can’t cough up. What’s the point of keeping up appearances if you’re skint? Only us well-heeled types can pull that off!”
“Skint? What you basing your judgement on?” Jack seethed. He didn’t mind the flak for himself, but not Selena. That was out of line.
Seeing Jack mouth back, she squared up. “Everything under the sun. How’s a street sweeper and two scruffs afford to shop here? Have a butchers. This frock alone’s in five figures. Clock it?”
“What?! In five figures!” Joan was gobsmacked. She never imagined it’d be that dear. “Jack, let’s give it a miss, eh? Find summat else!”
“Ma, chill. These threads are for the young ‘uns. Gonna sort Selena out first. I’ll pick for you after!” Jack softened towards his ma. “This one, Selena. Go give it a whirl!” He handed her the pick.
“You want me to try it on?” Selena frowned. She wanted to look nice. But things had changed. She wasn’t the director or the Taylor heiress anymore. Even with Jack’s dosh from his gig, it felt wrong splashing out like this.
“Go on, give it a whirl. What’s the hold-up?” Jack nudged her into the changing room.
“Hold yer horses. Look at ‘er caked in muck. What if she soils the togs? We’re stuffed then!” The attendant snapped, her mood souring.
“If you keep yapping, I’ll give you a clip round the ear.” Jack shot her a glare. She backed off. “Not trying before buying? What’s the bleedin’ point of the changing rooms?” Jack retorted, ushering Selena in.
Selena glanced at Jack. It felt surreal. The Jack now was worlds apart. ‘Is this the same delivery bloke who wedged into our lot and went to war for a mil?’ At that moment, Jack seemed rugged and commanding. She smiled, then slipped into the dresses and stepped out.
“Selena, you’re a proper sight in this frock. Right stunner!” Joan beamed. Pricey? So be it. My Jack’s never splashed out on you. This is his time. Even with his hard-earned, it’s worth it!”
“Looks the part, but it’s a bit steep, ain’t it?” Selena frowned. She didn’t want to but felt compelled. “Shall we scope out other joints?”
“Just nab it if it’s the ticket. Money ain’t an issue!” Meanwhile, Jack passed her two more. “These’re tops too. Try ’em!”
“Hang on. You can’t try this’un!” The attendant swiped one of the dresses. “Sir, limited edition, this. Sole one in the land. Over a ton, this one! Top shelf, see…”
Before she finished, Jack landed a slap. “Remember what I said? Still yapping, are ya?”
“You…” The attendant was aghast. What a brute. Hitting a bird. She looked on the brink of tears.
“Cheeky bugger, ain’t ya? A pauper like you got some gall? Now you’re throwing hands. No place for riff-raff like you here! Claiming you’re loaded? Wait and see. Can’t pony up, I, Karen, won’t let you out!” Karen was all mouth. She called in the muscle. “Roger, get down ‘ere. Poor sod’s causing grief in my manor!”
“Jack, what’s the crack?” Selena fretted, “Time to bolt. Not feeling this!”
“They’re taking the mickey. Got to school ’em!” Jack pocketed the dresses. “No need to try. Pack this. Looks about right!”
“Guess I’ll give it a go then!” Selena resigned. A pricey mistake if they’re off. And with Jack’s antics, it’s on the cards. Before she could finish, a squad of bouncers were at the door. Karen smirked.
“Karen, that the riff-raff? No sweat. Used to this lot. I’ll sort ‘im out!”
